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August 29, 2004


Dare to Stare - Part 2

Last week we promised to tell you why a man MUST dare to stare at a beautiful woman when he sees one, rather than looking away awkwardly, as so many do - in other words, why it is moral to openly and shamelessly admire female beauty, and why it is immoral not to.

But before you can understand why we must look, you must understand why we so often do not.

All too often we rob ourselves of the pleasure of admiring a pretty young women whom we happen across during the course of our day; instead of enjoying the sight, we look away almost automatically.

But why?

The reason, simply, is Altruism. The problem with a society or a man adopting Altruism as their morality is that it tends to make selfishness - even the perfectly harmless types of selfishness, like looking at beautiful women - impossible. This is because looking at female beauty is an act of purposefully pursuing a value, and Altruism, which many believe is simply being nice to people, is actually the opposite of pursuing values, it demands the sacrifice of ones values to others. Altruism was invented by ancient and medieval philosophers to make great masses of people subservient to them and their cherished dictatorships. After all, what's better than using brute force to make people subservient? Answer: Preaching a morality that makes heroes of those who willingly enter into subservience on their own. Altruism demands that we sacrifice our values to others, and more, it demands that we sacrifice our values merely for the sake of sacrifice so we can be 'moral'.

This is what is happening subconsciously when we look away from beautiful women.

I say subconsciously because morality is a uniquely human faculty that allows us to adopt a sort of 'master solution' to every problem - a code that helps us make all of our decisions, both easy and difficult ones. As humans, we face so many confusing and contradictory choices every single day that we need a moral code to live by, to make our decisions and our lives easier and in fact, possible. Eventually, we get so good at living by our chosen moral code that it becomes automatic, like walking up stairs, and begins to feel in-born and unavoidable, even though it is not. If we practice Altruism in particular as our morality, then even when presented with a chance to enjoy something that is profoundly selfish that hurts no one, we turn away from it without even knowing why.

This is why we feel compelled to look away from the sight of a beautiful woman.

But we must resist it as the destructive product of Altruism.

All moral behavior is a profoundly selfish act, including daring to stare. Being moral makes us a better person, not those we help. Yet we are robbed of our courage, our values, our standards and our enjoyment of female beauty by Altruism, which we are taught as innocent, trusting children, the doctrine that says we must not pursue our values or uphold our standards, but should sacrifice them instead to the standards and values of others. Thυs Altrυіsm is a destructive morality and a blatant contradiction. It says our own values and standards are worthless, but that the values and standards of others - any others - is of paramount importance. Doesn't this mean then that we also then accept a situation in which our own values and standards are of supreme importance to others over their own? And isn't that the very definition of bad selfishness? And if our values can be so important to others, can't they justifiably be at least equally important to us?

Don't waste your time trying to find the answers to these questions. There are no solutions to contradictions. And don't waste your time with altruism and self-sacrifice either. There are no rewards or reasons for it. The inventors of Altruism did not want you to look for such answers. They wanted you to sacrifice your judgment and integrity and honesty and to fall in line. They did not want you to think for yourself. That is selfish by their code.

One of the bravest moments in my own life came when I was a very young man. At the time I was in the habit of visiting the local public library every Wednesday afternoon at about 3 o'clock. It was my great fortune that 2 of the most lovely young catholic schoolgirls I'd ever seen also made the habit of attended the library at around the same time. I am not kidding or exaggerating when I tell you that they looked exactly like Dаryl Hаnnаh's twin sisters - tall, bare-legged girls, with bulging sweaters, quick, blinding smiles, and long curly blonde hair. They were probably only about 16 or 17 but looked more like women than girls. You know the type.

Anyway, I have to admit to you that these 2 girls TERRIFIED me. I remember feeling my heart stop whenever I noticed them from a distance. It would soon start beating again but only in order to climb up my throat. I was so afraid that they would see my still beating heart stumble right out of my mouth that I would actually hide from them and sneak peaks at them through the bookshelves under cover of a large book.

Then one day, somehow, they saw me. I don't know how they managed it but through all my brilliantly calculated subterfuge they caught me cold looking right at them and admiring them openly. I think they must have been witches or something, with a 6th sense, or else they were there at the library precisely to hunt down wimpy guys like me and torture them for amusement.

However they managed it, they spotted me and knew right away what I was doing. To my great horror they giggled to each other, got up, and began to playfully wiggle towards me, tossing their hair and smiling so brightly I thought I'd go blind.

Shamefully, I pretended that I had not been staring at them at all and scurried away to another area of the building during which time I did my best to look thoroughly interested in the library's small but respectable easy-reader section. Only after I was convinced that no one would have any reason to still be in the area where I'd encountered the 2 Daryls did I return. I did a quick visual check and confirmed that they were no longer there. Somewhat relieved, but also greatly disappointed, I went to the shelves to get the book I'd been interested in and turned around.

In that moment my life was changed forever. There, in chairs had been empty only a moment before, sat the 2 Daryls looking right at me like 2 owls at a mouse.

Instead of fleeing like a total loser, I decided right then to be brave, and that I would not run, that I would be a man, that I would face a beauty as horrible as 2 dawns and hopefully live to tell about it.

I did.

Instead of running for my life, I approached the seating area under the bird-like gaze of the Daryls and sat opposite them. My eyes never leaving theirs. Somehow, though in fear for my life, I managed to force a smile onto my face and spoke as casually as I could. "Hi. How are ya?", I said.

Thе Dаryls did not respond, at least not with words. Instead, they smiled at each other, pretended to busy themselves with their schoolwork and books for a moment, got up, and walked away in a magnificently orchestrated symphony of blonde curls, long-tendoned legs, and Bυstеr Brоwns.

I never saw them again.

For months I returned to the library on my regular schedule, but the Daryls never did. I began to wonder if anyone else had ever noticed them, but decided against asking around. I preferred to believe the girls had been there just for me - angels of a kind, sent to teach me a valuable lesson.

Indeed, I learned something of crucial importance from them that day. I learned that looking at beautiful women takes guts, and that the men who can do it, without flinching when their stare is noticed or returned, are admirable.

I resolved then to always have the courage to look at beautiful women, and to this day, I have never failed to do it, even though sometimes it is very hard. I've also never chickened out of pursuing ANY of my values. Daring to stare at one of your values (beauty), is no different than daring to pursue any of your values, be it a career, a romance, or a gold medal at the Olympics.

Now some will tell you that the reason to stare is because men are dirty minded and we should learn to embrace this fact. And they will tell you that it is a waste not to look because the girl has obviously spent a lot of time trying to make herself beautiful enough to attract stares.

But I can assure you that beautiful women will somehow manage to recover from the devastating blow of you not looking at them. More importantly, it is not immorality that we men must learn to embrace in ourselves, but morality.

Body in Mind, the site and the philosophy, is based on my discovery that female beauty is nothing more or less than the representation of our values in a woman. Whatever we value, be it courage or shyness, intelligence or stupidity, we will find a woman who appears to possess these qualities beautiful. Thus beauty is the image of our values, and to be moral, we must always have the courage to face, pursue, and protect these values. That is what morality is. To fail to look without shame at the representation of our values in a woman, or anything else, is to betray one's values. It is actually immoral not to stare at beauty.

What I am advocating is not easy. Choosing values and pursuing them is the essence of morality, and it is never easy. That is why we admire people we consider moral. Looking at beautiful women, without betraying the value they represent to us, is as highly moral an act as anything can ever be. It is our values we are honoring when we dare to stare, and it is our values and ourselves that we are betraying when we look away in shame.

Or perhaps it is the woman herself you are afraid of? We have been taught that staring at beautiful women is wrong, and we are afraid of their reaction when they catch us. But daring to stare at beauty is a profoundly moral act, and if any girl asks you what you're looking at when she see you staring, tell her. Say "Your beauty."

If she has a problem with that, then to hell with her. You'll be amazed at how quickly she'll stop being beautiful to you.

Beautiful women represent our values to us, and only if we can dare to stare at something we love and admire will we have the guts to choose our ultimate goals and pursue them without giving up. How can we ever hope to achieve anything if we crumble inside out of fear that someone we don't like might frown at us?

Our only hope as human beings is to make courage, and morality, a habit. That way they become second nature, as Altuism is to most of us now. We must make the courage of selfishness a virtue, and we must practice it always, in everything we do.

So keep your eyes out for the Daryls of the world, and by all means, dare to stare.

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© 2004 by Body in Mind


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