May 9, 2005.

How to deal with the beauty of other women

by Lеаnnе Bеll (Reprinted from Andtheylivedhappilyeverafter.com)

A married couple arrive at a stop light and wait for it to change as the city traffic rushes by. As the husband looks idly out the window, a gorgeous, willowy, well-endowed brunette crosses the street in front of them. She moves gracefully, her hair flowing out behind her, her breasts bouncing as she walks. She has the face of an angel and the voluptuous curves of supermodel. All eyes turn to watch her as she crosses. Including those of the husband in the car.

The wife looks up and sees the woman crossing the street. She recognizes instantly, as all people do, the presence of true beauty. Not just attractiveness, not mere prettiness, true, undeniable beauty. She, too, watches until the woman has passed out of sight. Then she swats her husband with a roadmap and stops speaking to him for the rest of the trip.

Variations of this exchange happen every day. Any time a beautiful woman, or even a picture of a beautiful woman, passes too close for comfort, womens' claws come out. Having a Playboy in the house is grounds for divorce in some homes. Strip clubs, mens magazines, even the most innocent of admiring glances at a beautiful woman crossing the street become off limits as soon as the wedding ring goes on.

This kind of knee jerk reaction from women is very destructive. Absolutely no good can come of shrieking like a banshee and blasting a man for liking to look at beautiful women. If he eventually leaves you because of it, you've lost a potentially wonderful relationship because of hysterical jealousy and resentment. If he stays with you anyway, it's only because part of him has given up and opted not to value something he once held dear, his appreciation of beauty. Part of him will resent you for it, always.

This is reality. Men like women. There is nothing wrong with a man appreciating the spectacular beauty some women possess. Being drawn to women is one of the defining characteristics of a man, and something we should all be grateful for. You wouldn't be with your man if he wasn't captivated by women, by you. Don't get so caught up in jealousy that you forget how much he appreciates whatever it is he finds spectacular about you.

It's also essential that women, and men, understand the difference between beauty and sex. They are two completely different things. So many people confuse the two that they now think sex is everywhere, peering out of every magazine and every television show, underlying every fashion spread, selling every product. They believe that any interest in the physical attractiveness of a person must signal sexual desire, that there can be no other motive or use for it whatsoever. The fact that some people see only sex when they see beauty does not change the fact that one does not necessarily have anything to do with the other.

I've only ever met one person who truly understands this principle; happily, he married me. My husband Dwayne has made some groundbreaking discoveries about the philosophy of female beauty, and has compiled an impressive, thought-provoking and intelligent body of knowledge on its meaning, morality and inspirational nature. I highly recommend reading bodyinmind.com to learn more about how the love of beauty is the love of all values in life, and how to prevent it from being bullied out of existence by those who would see it destroyed.

And there are many who fall into that camp. Many women are suspicious of beauty because they are afraid of losing their husbands to a more attractive woman. Troubled by what seems to be a cavalier attitude towards adultery in our society, and unsure of their husband's love for them, they overreact to every perceived threat from every pretty face they see. Beauty becomes the enemy, something that, if they don't possess it, must be vanquished. They want to rip down every poster of a pretty girl, ban all nude photos, savage every supermodel and effectively blind their husband to every woman but them. The saddest thing about this kind of mindless hate is that if they were to succeed, if they triumphed and created a world in which all women actively chose to make themselves as unattractive as possible, these women would still be insecure, unsure of their husband's love, monuments of low self-esteem.

Beauty is not the enemy. Marriages based on nothing, on convenience, on superficiality, marriages in which neither party is at all sure what the other sees in them, marriages that revolve around nice cars in the driveway, fancy homes or raising children...that's the enemy.

If your husband turns to look at a beautiful woman crossing the street, or on the cover of a magazine, it does not mean he wants to have sex with her. Even if he does find her sexually attractive, give him some credit. Trust in the fact that he is with you, after all. It is reasonable for a woman to feel jealous and angry if she believes her husband is interested in another woman sexually, but it is a long, long road between admiring the beauty of a stranger and committing adultery with her.

If he does betray you with another woman, it hardly matters what she looks like, does it? Would it hurt any less if she were less attractive than you? Recognize the real enemy in your midst.

If you are a wife who feels threatened by your husband's interest in beauty, ask yourself some honest questions. Ask yourself whether you believe your marriage is strong, happy, and sexually fulfilling. Ask yourself whether you honestly believe your husband is fantasizing about replacing you when he looks at a pretty girl. Look at the man you're married to, the man who adores you, who values you above all other women, beautiful or not. If he is truly the man for you, you won't feel threatened by a paper smile or a brief glance from a passing stranger. You'll know that he simply loves beauty...and the beauty he sees in you.

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